


Step by Step

by AlwaysInMyHeartL



Series: Amnesia [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Just Married, M/M, Mpreg, Mpreg Louis, Post-Zayn One Direction, Zayn is leaving, freshly married, larry - Freeform, larrystylinson, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-09-20 03:45:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9473951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysInMyHeartL/pseuds/AlwaysInMyHeartL





	1. Prologue / basic idea

It's now been some time since their wedding and Harry and Louis spent their days and nights with love, love and more love. But also with discussing. Not in a bad way like they would fight. No. Harry found a way how maybe one of the two boys could get pregnant. 

Louis being on the more thinking and worried side doesn't want to rush as they had lost quite some quality time with each other because of the accident and Louis' amnesia. He wants to have more quality time alone with his husband. Also he thinks of all the things that could happen. There weren't many men who did this and only about half of them managed to stay alive after the birth... He isn´t so sure if there were already men who have actually delivered a baby yet. And if the outcome isn´t a baby why risking one of their lives. He could loose his Harry or Harry could loose him again. And he knows that Harry wouldn't be able to get through this. Loosing his baby and his husband or having to grow up a baby without him. Louis is more than just hundred percent sure that this would break Harry and he just doesn´t want this to happen. Of course, he doesn´t want that. Heck, Harry is the love of his life. He wants to grow old with him. Additionally, the one getting pregnant will have to take many pills and vitamins each day. And Louis has quite enough of swallowing those things... The only thing he doesn't care about is money. They have enough of it. But is the probability of getting an own child really worth it to maybe loose the love of your life? Louis is fighting with his own thoughts if they should risk it.

Harry, on the other hand, doesn't care. He wants a family - a real family with his own child , "made" by his sperm- with Louis, he waited long enough and had enough bad luck. So there should happen only good things anymore, that's what Harry is sure about. He´s been looking for information to do that since Louis mentioned wanting kids in the hospital. He would do everything to make Louis´(and his own) wish come true. They would be the perfect family with a baby. Of course, Harry read about the risks! Louis always snaps at him like Harry doesn´t know it. But he does. But without trying, you can´t know, right? He just has this feeling that everything will go good for them and he doesn´t understand how Louis can´t trust him.

Additionally to their baby topic is the search of their new management, some other romances happening in the band and daily problems managed by especially Louis and Harry. Of course there are some little fights, especially because of the baby, but this time they talk. There is no running away. 

 


	2. Chapter 1 - Honeymoon

_Two weeks after the weeding I started packing Louis´ and my things for our honeymoon. Louis doesn´t know about it, yet. He doesn´t know that I organised everything with Liam. He doesn´t know a single thing about it. That´s why I told him that I would have a longer call with a friend in LA and liked to have it on my own in our room. This must have sounded weird and is probably the stupidest lie ever told, but he believed me somehow and laid down on the couch in the living room with his laptop on his lap. He smiled at me and said that I should tell whoever I was going to speak to to have a nice day; which is adorable and normally something I would say. I gave him a kiss and went upstairs._

_For touring packing was never difficult and barely took me time – not even when I had to pack both our things – but this time something´s completely odd. It took me ages! It´s not about my clothes or other stuff from me (as I already knew what I needed and wanted), it´s about Louis´. But it´s not about me not knowing Louis enough to know what he would need, it´s because I was very insecure about missing something or taking the wrong things (especially from his medication that got changed a few days ago and there´s other stuff I had to have in mind because of his longer hospital stay). I may had a checklist I wrote and rewrote the last past weeks but I was still nervous of Louis´ well-being. Him staying healthy was the most important thing for me and always will be the most important, as well as his good mood. He never was this happy before, his happiness even made our neighbour smile (she hated us and showed it every day by glaring at us whenever she had the chance to!). However, after many hours (felt like days, though) of shorts, shirts and swimming trunks later, I went down to see that it was already deep in the night and Louis was already fast-asleep. I smiled, kissed his cheek and put a blanket over him._

_Three days later I woke Louis up at 4 a.m. and told him about a surprise place, we had to go. Looking out of the window and seeing that it was still dark but almost before the sun would set, he looked at me almost knowingly and grinned sleepily. I had a feeling that he knew then that what kind of surprise it would be. He didn´t seem to know just yet because he didn’t ask (even though he always was curious about surprises for him). He just didn´t. He let me carry him in the car and I drove to Heathrow. I thought that I might get nosy questions then, but seconds after I put him in his seat and fastened his seat belt he fell asleep. Sometimes I wished I could be like him at this point and fall asleep everywhere. But then again, who would drive us to the airport when we both sleep?_

_After a three hours and thirty-five minute flight, we were here. The state where we would spend at least a month. It´s Greece. Not only because it was a terribly romantic here (I did some research online and asked married friends), but also because of the landscape, those nice people, the etymologies and because of the most important reason. Obviously it´s because of Louis but it´s something no one knew except for me. It was when we moved in together. We had played some truth or dare at night because we wanted to know more about the other one, stuff no one else knew. So I asked him where he would love to spend his honeymoon one day. He blushed at this question, bowed down his head and played with his fingers nervously, while telling me that he wanted to cruise through Greece. He told me that when he was younger he had kind of planned it already but lost the pages when they moved into another home. So he couldn´t remember all the details anymore and as this had happened some years ago, I couldn´t remember everything he had said either. But I remember that he wanted to visit some places with stories, wanted to eat as greek as possible (“Because Harry! We can eat normal hotel stuff everywhere! I want to eat stuff at my honeymoon which I can´t eat here in the UK. You know, good honey, good greek yoghurt and traditional meals I can´t know of! Whoever will marry me has to bring me there or I´ll divorce them as soon as possible.”). Of course he didn´t mean it like that because he seemed to tease me but I knew deep in my heart that this was one of his biggest wishes. Something only I could give him._

_And well, his face was just priceless when he noticed where we actually landed. Somehow I managed to hide this information from him. But as said it was just priceless. Especially because I had remembered something he had told me at the beginning of our friendship/relationship. (Maybe shocked because he had remembered himself, too.) I supposed that he had a flashback, again, because when I mentioned our past talk he went completely silent and was totally stiff – like always when that happened. It´s good that he didn´t have the bad ones anymore. But it´s also good that he still had some stuff to remember (he loved telling me things; I could see it in his eyes). When his flashback ended, he started to cry and kissed me deeply, whispering how much he would always love me and how he didn´t deserve me. I just shook my head because this simply wasn´t true. We both deserved each other; we both were made for each other. No one deserved the other one more or less. With this honeymoon I just wanted to make him happy, what I obviously did (even though it was just the first day and we weren´t really there yet (like our bodies were but not our minds; we just travelled too much in the past years to immediately be in a holiday mode)._

_Another two hours later we checked into our penthouse apartment which lied next to a beach of a place I barely could pronounce like it should be pronounced. It might was a very expensive (and kind of big one, now that I saw them in real life) one but I made sure that it didn´t scream “only for famous” too much. Or that it would be too much. Louis wouldn´t have liked it. Somehow he changed in certain points. I didn´t know if it´s cause was amnesia or if he just changed naturally. However, he didn´t seem to like too fancy stuff anymore. He´s more cautious about paparazzi (which was why I made sure as less as possible people knew from our stay here) and barely used the internet on his phone. And if he used it for once, he didn´t use it for socialising reasons. When he wanted to share something with our fans, he took my phone and posted on my accounts but those moments were extremely seldom occasions. Sometimes I had the feeling that he wanted to become a vegetarian, which was totally odd considering that he always loved meat and his fast food. A feeling in my guts told me that he only would really do it because he wanted to lose weight. This would be even weirder as he already lost so much weight due to his accident, hospital stay and his medication. This topic was a total taboo between us (which made me quite sad because I just wanted to help and be there for him) but I couldn´t pressure him into speaking to me. Unfortunately. Anyways, he changed in some good ways, too. Like that he barely cursed anymore. (Okay, I missed this at some point because he was so damn hot while cussing but it´s also nice not hearing a bad word every few seconds.) He´d got a lot more romantic and even started to help me cook more. Everyone, literally everyone, knew that he always was shit at cooking and always depended on me or restaurants for proper meals but now he really wanted to learn it and showed it with being productive while I taught him. “Productive” because when we were younger, he would start grinding on me or started a food fight and now he really is helping. Him helping even became sort of cute and adorable. He cut the veggies (overly careful because he didn´t want to cut himself), did the cleaning after cooking (without being asked and without protesting) and always looked up new recipes he wanted to try out. Everyone who knew Louis before and still knew him now, would call it cute because he used to be the exact opposite of the perfect person to live with and now he was trying to change that. I didn´t know if he had remembered anything in that direction, he never mentioned it, so this move was even more heart-warming. If he had remembered or not, that he was terrible at almost everything concerning properly living, he was still willing to change for the better._

_After unpacking our suitcases, eating lunch and sharing some kisses, we spend some time sleeping. We were cuddled up in each other’s arms for many hours and I would have never regretted a single millisecond. Louis was mine. Louis was here with me. There weren´t any lies anymore to be concerned about.  He was officially my mine. We were out of the closet. And even though he had some people saying that there were more lies in our band (well, there is one but only I and Liam knew about it but no more), everyone else was happy for us because they saw how happy we were with each other. They saw how much we had to go through because of certain people. I looked at my beautiful love´s face and smiled. We did it. We actually did it. Not only were we free from management, we were free to love each other without having to hide._

_And well, practically I looked up certain places here to hide but it was because I wanted to have time for Louis and me. Because I wanted our honeymoon to be special and not full of paparazzi and interviews. But as I knew my fans, I was certain that after a certain time everyone would know where we were. Till then I wanted to just relax._

 

Relaxing together is the reason Louis and I find out that our penthouse apartment has a roof terrace. Well, “finding out” is the wrong phrase because I actually knew from it before but Louis thinks that I don´t. I hadn´t seen it in real life and the moment we two stepped on it was just breath-taking. See, the view from here is amazing and no picture ever could represent it. I kiss him because the sun setting is just so beautiful and makes me full of love. He giggles into the kiss and cuddles into me.

“Why the kiss?”

He´s blushing. I can´t even see his beautiful face and know that he´s blushing. Just because of his tone. Because of how he doesn´t say more. Because he doesn´t look up to me.

“Because I love  you.”

He shakes his head, looking up to me finally. He bites his lip and smiles, while softly putting his right hand over my left cheek.

“There was another reason, Haz! Something made you…”

Now it´s my turn to blush: because a sunset is quite a weird reason, isn´t it? I smile awkwardly at him while finding a way to speak it out without seeming weird. Yes, Louis knows that I´m romantic and all that. But this kind of thing never happened. Sure, I love kissing him (to be honest, who wouldn´t) but this sunset just gave me an urge to kiss him. And he seems to feel it but doesn´t know how to put it in words.

“You know, love… When we met each other-“

“Haz, you can´t always look for another topic when I ask you something.”

He smiles assuringly.

“I just tried finding a proper way to say it.”

“By starting writing a romantic book-“

“You mean a-“

“Haz, I know what it´s called. You know that.”

I nod.

“Sunsets are beautiful and so romantic.”

My words are a whisper, maybe even just a rasp. But Louis nods.

“Just like you.”

I look up at him and smile.

“A sunset is the sun’s fiery kiss to the night -[Crystal Woods](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8423205.Crystal_Woods).”

“So you gave me a fiery kiss, too? Haz, I know that you can quote many books and authors and people… but I want to know what my boy is feeling while doing something cute and adorable like he just did.”

I blush, shaking my head a bit.

“The moment I stepped on the roof, with your hands in mine and saw the sun set… with all those beautiful lights in the sky… it made my heart burn but in a good way. It yelled for me to kiss you. I don´t know if this logical but I don´t care because I can and will kiss whenever I want to. You are the light to my life.”

Louis kisses me softly, his eyes shining in a beautiful bright blue.

“Sacre bleu”,

I mutter under my breath. Trying to impress him with my Greek. Well, “Greek”.

“Baby?”

“Yeah, Louis?”

“You shouldn´t cuss in French in Greece.”

I look at him, terribly shocked because it´s true. God, I´m so terrible with languages. I might have looked through some Greek Dictionary but somehow they didn´t stuck. But sacrebleu does. Sure, if you translate it word for word it means holy blue but the phrase doesn´t.  I sigh.

“My eyes?”

I nod. He kisses me softly.

“You tried, babe. You tried. It´s adorable.”

“Let´s lay down here. I want to stay outside this night. It´s so beautiful outside! With the starts giving us the light we need.”

He smiles, while nodding. I kiss his cheek, take his hands and I lead him to the L-formed big wooden couch. It´s pillows are white and there are rose petals on it. I smile because the owner of this apartment is such a nice person and thought about little things I forgot. Of course are rose petals a must! I´ll need to remember to give him a big tip when we leave this place.

“Wow! Hazza?! This is so romantic!!! Wait-“

He pouts at me.

“You lied to me!!! You knew of this roof!”

I look apologetically at him and he kisses me deeply.

“Thank you”,

He croaks out, his hands making quick moves on my shirt and my bum. When I´m topless and having a boner, he runs inside and doesn´t come back for a while. I sigh and sit down. Where is he? He knows where I put the stuff. But then he´s here again: butt naked and my guitar in his hand. I groan. He´s so hot. Why is he doing this to me? He winks at me while sitting down next to me. I notice the journal in his other hand, as well as a pen.

“Wanna spend the night with your guitar and me?”

I place my hand over his thigh and laugh.

“Always, love.”

He lays his head onto my shoulder and takes his guitar into the right position to be played. He stares into the dark and starts to play some notes. Notes I´ve never heard him play. Notes that were definitely not from our band´s songs. He hums to them, his hand shaking a bit. Is he nervous? If yes, why? As he´s at a certain point with his notes, he starts to sing. His voice is calm but I can hear how unsure he is. How worried he is to fuck up just a single thing. And well, this is so unnecessary because he should know that he is and always will be perfect for me. I don´t mind if he does fail a high note because I still know that he´s a great singer, songwriter and husband. As with the notes I haven´t heard those lyrics before. I think he must have written them while I was packing our things or when I was in the shower. We spent almost every second together the last weeks and the weird thing is that I never saw him writing or singing. As he doesn´t stop to ask for a comment and doesn´t look at me, I just listen to him and his beautiful angelic voice. He sings about the most recent topic in his life: the accident, how he had lost his memory and how he had to find a way to remember the love of his life again. It´s about the pain he went through. He sings about his view of the past months. Even though Louis´ voice is very calm, you can still hear his pain. I cuddle into him more and kiss his head. He looks at me and his tears start to fall but he keeps singing. I place my hand over the one that´s playing the guitar and softly take it. I put it down and pull Louis into a hug. He sobs and my heart breaks.

“Shhh, love. Everything is fine.”

I look for other words to say and a better way to calm him (than with just saying “shh”). But I don´t know what to do. I pet his back. He has been swallowing down his fury and hurt too long, of course it had to come out at some point. And the some point is apparently now.

“H, I´m sorry-“

“Shhh, Louis! It´s really okay! You were hurting, too, it really is okay to cry! It´s better to share your pain than be on your own. I´m here for you, okay? I´m your hubby, remember?”

I hear a little laugh escaping his lips and a little sigh afterwards. At least his letting me help him. Before you know what, he sometimes came home with tears in his eyes and immediately hid in the cellar – because he thought I wouldn´t find him but I always did. The thing was that he might have let me hug him but he never cried, he just stared holes into my chest. Sometimes even cussed at me – without meaning it, that´s why I always let him do it. He´d always apologize afterwards, too. But it still didn´t feel like properly helping him. I knew he was hurting because of something that had to with _her._ But that was it. She could have insulted him or touched him somewhere he didn´t like (and she still did). The most times I found out through media. Sure, there was never a headline about Louis´ mood (they had been “happily” together after all…) but you could see it in his eyes and his body language that he wasn´t feeling attracted or alright being close to her, at all.

“How could I forget.”

He mutters and I feel stupid now for wording it like that. But when I look at him, I see his smile and that he isn´t mad at me for that. Thank God, because I didn´t mean it like that and I wouldn´t want to hurt him.

“Hazza?”

I nod and kiss his nose.

“´S it good?”

At first it takes me some time to understand what he want from me but the worry in his eyes tells me what his question is about: the song. I smile at him.

“It´s amazing, darling. Very personal and touchy. Very you.”

I kiss him softly.

“Are you like … really sure that it´s really good? Not just okay? Like… damn, will the other boys like it too? I´d like to record it… when we have a new management and all that.”

“Of course, baby, you´re worrying too much! It´s almost as perfect as you! And we will find a management! There are so many people who would do everything to have us, even more when they hear the songs that are made by our personal experiences. Don´t tell the others but I think I might have found a new – nice and professional- management already… But it isn´t a fixed deal yet. We´ll have to fly to America when we´re back from our honeymoon and talk to them.”

He nods and smiles at me.

“I love you, Harold!”

“I love you, too, Lewis!!!”

He rolls his eyes while I can´t stop laughing.

“Love?”

I hum, telling him to go on.

“You´re beautiful… so so beautiful! Out and inside!”

I look at him and scan his face. Mostly when he says those three “sentences” he wants something, especially when he says it like that with his voice all too high. He´s even grinning a bit. He definitely wants something. But I don´t know what.

“How´s that, Lou?”

I giggle as he pouts at me.

“C´mon. What do you want? Go to the beach? A blowie? Do you want new clothing???”

He slaps me softly and we both giggle like little school girls would do.

“Well, my dear! I can tell my beautiful _husband_ -“

He´s really emphasising the word husband, even waits before he says the following words. My drama queen. He really should start acting once he´s feeling good.

“-that he´s beautiful without wanting something! Can’t I??”

He pouts at me again and this is it. On another occasion I would´ve gotten cheeky or said more (especially because he definitely wants something) but that face is just too adorable. I kiss him deeply while caressing him. As we stop and pull apart a few centimetres from each other, he has the stupidest grin on his face.

“What?”

“You were right.”

He shows me his tongue and well, of course I was right. He always wants something when he tells me that I´m beautiful in that terrible tone. Okay, it´s not terrible but he uses his sexy voices at the wrong times. As we´re still pretty close to each other, I grin and bite his tongue. Not too strong, obviously. As he´s my husband and I will need his tongue, too,..

“Cheeky boy!”

I growl.

“Sorry, daddy.”

He really looks like he might be sorry. But we all know that Louis definitely isn´t. My cheeky idiot. He flutters his eyelashes at me. Probably to get what he originally wanted. He just has to say it out loud, for fucks sake.

“Why would you lie to me?”

I sigh theatrically, showing that I can be a drama queen, too.

“Your one and only love of your life?! Saying that you don’t want something even though you do is… sooo bad!”

He laughs. I softly slap his upper arm and somehow we end up snogging again.

“Sorry, Hazzy. Don’t be mad, please. I just wanted a kiss and a proper snog.”

He winks. I smile. He´s such a weird person. Well, that’s the reason why I love him but he still doesn’t cease to amaze me how weird he actually is. I couldn´t ever think of a life without him, just imaging that he never got his memory back or didn’t make it makes me wanna throw up. Louis deserves to live a happy and healthy life so much! There´s another thing he deserves but I think I´ll wait a bit till I talk with him about it. It´s a topic we´ve always avoided because we weren’t openly dating each other and couldn´t really avoid to be seen with. But now, now we´re free.

“Harry? Why are you looking so sad? Did I do something wrong?”

“What? Ehhh no! Of course not, sorry! You really didn´t… I just remembered something… Thinking about something.”

“Harry,”

He sighs, looking at me pleadingly to not talk about certain things now.

“We´re good now. Forget the past. At least for our holiday. Please. For your own sake. You´re worrying too much, babe.”

“I know but-“

“No “but”, darling! Or you´ll have to suck my butt.”

He winks again and I laugh at him. My weirdo.

“We should sleep, you know? It´s probably like 3 a.m. I haven´t slept in years and tomorrow-“

“Yes, you are a tired baby, I get it.”

He giggles again but yawns in-between. Showing me, that I´m not the only ´tired baby´.

“I would have liked to spend the rest of tonight doing more than just snogging but if daddy is too tired to fuck than I´m okay with that too!”

I swallow down the ´make love´ because he hasn´t said this word in weeks and it seems appropriate for once. I nod and lay down. He lies down next to me and cuddles into me.

“Idiot!”

“Goodnight to you, too, Harold.”

Can´t wait for tomorrow, to finally see a bit of the place we´re at and to explore Greece more. Best start into our honeymoon.

 

 


	3. Chapter 2- Surprise Call

 

“You can´t leave us, FOR FUCKS SAKE. DON´T DO THIS TO ME”, Louis screams loudly. It´s the first thing I hear when I wake up. Not a kiss. Not him cuddled into me. Nothing like that. Well, I don´t even care now how early it must be, I just have to make sure that he´s  fine. He isn´t in my arms and when I open my eyes, I can´t see him either. I am pretty sure that it sounded like he was next to me or at least on our roof terrace. I stand up, totally disorientated- because, well… obviously because waking up to your love being that loud with shouting insults isn´t the best way to wake up to. The “old” Louis- the one who was more sassy and using more insults- would have ignored me the whole morning for waking him up early. By the way, it´s still dark- so, it´s way too early to wake up now. Maybe the old Louis comes out right now in him because that person not only told him something very bad but also woke him up at this unholy hour? However, I tiptoe towards the – opened- door and walk inside, following Louis´ voice. I find him in the kitchen. He´s still talking – or screaming, to be more precise- and insulting the person he´s talking to on the phone. But he never says their name which makes it very difficult for me to know what this is about. Why he´s so furious. Before I walk closer, I watch him for a bit. I don´t even know why but somehow he makes me freeze for a moment because he´s so… hot like that. If he wasn´t that upset and hurt, I would probably get hard or at the least turned on by his thick accent coming through while cussing. Okay, I am a bit turned on but anyways. It´s just the thing that he hasn´t used any strong words lately. Not that I remember. But what I recall is him talking to our old managers the day he got Eleanor- worst day for both of us. He looked totally broken and only used insults while talking to them. He´s also swallowing down the tears- just like he now does. The difference to now is that Louis is way more open towards me, when it comes to things that hurt him, and back then he just walked outside and home and hid in a corner, cuddled up in blankets. I walk up to him and hug him, his back towards my front. As I do so, he flinches and throws his phone to the ground, “FUCKING LIAR, BETRAYER, STUPID CUNT!”

Then he nearly breaks down, his back still to my front. He doesn´t really seem to realise that I´m holding him- probably is thinking way to much about what that person just told. Little sobs are leaving his mouth and he turns around to hug me more- to snuggle into me. (Okay, maybe he noticed me.) Well, I´m pretty sure that this won´t last for just a few minutes and I´m gonna let him take his time. That´s the best way to get Louis to talk, stressing him in such situations is never a good idea. For f…. sake! Which arse had to hurt my little hedgehog? It´s our honeymoon and Louis deserves a little peace, for once! That´s why I choose Greece, to have a more calming surrounding. To get away from all the drama. To get away from the UK. Louis deserves to be happy 24/7! But of course, this ass has to fuck it up. Louis had gone through enough shit, alone in the last few months. Yet alone with all the Elounor shit through the years! I swallow down my anger, to be here for him. But it still bothers me a lot that there are people who could be so heartless. One could say that Louis could have had the phone turned off to ignore everything. The thing is that only family and the other boys have this number and he only has the phone turned on for emergencies. But this doesn´t sound like an emergency, though.

The moment his sobs are lesser and he seems to be a bit calmer, I pet his back softly. “Louis, babe, what´s wrong? What did just happen? Who called you?”, I whisper- trying to stay calm while doing so. He looks up to me, red-rimmed eyes looking sadly into mine worried ones. He starts to sob again and puts his head on my chest again. Everyone knows that Louis is not the tallest person, but in moments like this he looks even smaller and it breaks my heart, how small he looks. How fragile. He doesn´t manage to answer me, but I can understand that. “Take your time”, I whisper again. He looks so damn miserable. My poor baby.

Many minutes pass by and it´s already getting brighter. “Louis, darling. Please tell me what they told you. I… I just want to help!” As I don´t get any answers, I take him bridal-style in my arms and carry him to our bed. I lay him down carefully and immediately hug him again- spooning my little prince. I kiss his forehead and caress him. He´s looking everywhere but not at me. I´ve never been so unsure about how to calm before. I have always known why he was feeling down- or at least, had a feeling about what it could have been- and crying. (Hint: MM and stalkers) But now, it´s a whole lot different. His cries are terribly heart-breaking and he´s even shaking a bit. It doesn´t really look like I could do something, though. Sure, I can hug him and be here for him. But I want to solve this problem, want to be an actual help! I just can´t. I wish that I could but it seems like that I can´t. Especially because it feels like that he doesn´t want me involved in it. Which is sad, considering what we´ve been through together. He should know by now that I´m always here for him. No matter what!  

After a long silence from the both of us, I begin to talk. Again. “Babe, so wha-“, I actually want to begin to talk- there´s even a whole conversation/ monologue planned in my head-but Louis finally decided to talk to me.  Even though, he´s talking to me, he is still not looking at me. His voice is shaking, shaking way too much. “You don´t want to know this, Haz, my dear. Trust me”, he sobs “you don´t want to know that!” He sounds so, so upset and now I´m very sure that whoever did this to him won´t ever have a good time anymore. Even if they had to tell Louis bad news, they will get what they deserve. Whatever it was, it could have waited! For f…. sake! I try to calm myself down a bit but it´s not that easy. I want to hurt them so bad but not physically, obviously. But I´m not the person to hurt someone verbally, either. Even though, I´m a nice guy, I´ll find me a way to make them regret hurting Louis like that. Louis was finally getting happier again, after all the amnesia! He began to recover from everything! He didn´t need this. Whatever it is, he didn´t need it. “Yes, darling! Yes, I want to know it! I want to help you. I love you, Louis, and I don´t want to see you like that! And whoever caused this… will regret it. In a way I haven´t planned yet but I´ll find some.” Louis smiles a bit into my chest, so much that I can actually feel it on my skin. But the moment I can feel it, it´s gone again. Sigh!

“Zayn…” I look confused at him, even though I know that he can´t see me. What´s with Zayn? He isn´t hurt, is he? “Did something happen to him? Did he get hurt? I s everything alright at home?” As Louis is silent again for a bit, I think about the possibility that he wanted to change the topic. Which wouldn´t be so inaccurate because he sometimes does stuff like that. The thing why I mentioned this thought is that Louis said his name with hurt but also with disgust? It feels weird to even think about that. Zayn is our brother, our best friend. “Ha-ha-ha”, he looks sadly at me and presses his head down on my chest, again. Ignoring my obvious confusion, he doesn´t continue talking for another half hour.

“Louis?” “Louis.” “Louis, please…”

“Hazza, please… You really don´t wanna know that. And this ass didn´t get hurt, not one bit. He´s fine. More than he deserves it.” “Then what´s wrong with him? Did he call you?” “Harry…”, he sighs. I caress his back, trying to sooth him. Making him feel at least a bit better. But I also do it to calm myself down, to somehow get my thoughts away from Zayn. Whatever he told Lou (if it was him talking to him) has to be very terrible. But Zayn is fine, according to Louis. So, I don´t really understand what could be going on. I never cheated on Louis with him (or anyone else). Louis didn´t have another partner before knowing Zayn, either. Zayn could have done something to his sisters? But this wouldn´t break him, it would rather make him very furious. What else could Zayn do without getting hurt himself but hurting Louis with it?

“One Direction…”, he starts again after a while. His eyes filling with eyes again. “Yeah? What´s with us? Did he fuck up some potential management?” I start to get an idea about what this could be. But I push these thoughts away because they´re just utterly stupid. Zayn would never do such a thing! Not now, while Louis and I are on our honeymoon and while Liam and Niall are looking for a new management. He just wouldn´t.

“We´re only a four-man-band”, he cries out loud. We´re what? Why the hell would we only consist of four members? We´re five! Five!!! Who left? I fearfully look at Louis. Neither me nor Louis left. Niall won´t ever leave us, because he´s too much of a loyal puppy and the biggest One Direction fan boy. Then there´s only two left: Liam and Zayn. My mind goes back to my former thoughts and well, it kind of clicks. Apparently Zayn really did what I thought he never would do: leave us. I swallow down my anger, while tears are forming in my eyes. I look deeper in Louis´ eyes, hoping to find out that he´s actually joking. But he doesn´t start laughing and his eyes are still red-rimmed. It´s not a joke. We lost a band member.

“No, no… fucking hell, no! Lou, darling, please, tell me that this is a terrible joke… Please!” He sobs even more and even though he doesn´t answer me directly, I know that it´s true. Zayn is the biggest idiot of this world. Why does he have to do such a thing? He knows that we´re looking for a new management, knows that Louis´ feeling so much better. How can someone be so heartless? How can he leave us anyway? What´s wrong with us? Does he hate us?? I shake my head repeatedly, not being able, not wanting to understand that this is real. Cuddling more into Louis, I think about what to do now and how to get our thoughts away from this problem for the next few weeks. I promised Jay to make beautiful memories here with Louis! To make him happy and only happy! I know that this isn´t my fault but still. I don´t want to break my promises and I hope I´ll find a way to make him smile. I take his hand and kiss his cheek.

I really have to find a way to calm Louis. He never was good with stress and even though he´s dealing everything around his amnesia very well. But before his accident everything was completely different. Louis had been drowning his problems with a few things: music (not a bad thing but he still ignored me while listening to too loud and depressing music), over-working, drinking and smoking. Obviously I won´t let him smoke or drink: firstly, it´s unhealthy, secondly he shouldn´t do both while he has to take his pills and lastly I simply don’t like those. Especially when he´s smoking three packs of cigarettes a day and gets home terribly drunk. Solving one problem with another is simply not a good thing to do, so the last two points are not a way to make Louis happy. Also, I won´t let him work as we´re here to relax. And listening to music all day isn´t really a solution, either. I want to spend time with him outside and not in our apartment. So, none of his ways could help. Especially if I want him to stay healthy and not- depressed.

We have this apartment for one week, but I suppose it´s better for the both of us to get away from here. Just for today, maybe even overnight (especially thinking about the fact that it´s around 10 a.m. already, we´ll have to eat breakfast, take a shower, etc. but we also have to drive somewhere else, too). It´s just important to get away from here and I think driving to another city would be better than just walking around here. We did something similar while touring when stunting was too much for him, that´s why I think that driving somewhere else would be better now as well. As I didn´t have the chance, yet, to get a map for the places we´ll visit, only one city comes to my mind: Athens. I kiss his forehead and softly tell him to get dressed. He sighs, tears still strolling down his face but does as told- knowing that there is no ´but´ in this situation. The moment he´s getting ready, I immediately look up a place for brunch, places where we can go to (tourist attractions, as wells as secret hotspots), place for lunch and then a romantic place (but I´m not sure if that´s a good idea right now).

When I´m finished with that – taking 30 minutes – I walk to Louis, hoping that he´s already finished. But he isn´t. He´s just looking at his clothes but is still only in his underpants. I hug him tightly. “Babe? Need help?” He sobs and nods. “Babe, look at me! Yeah… good! Zayn is an ass, we both know that now and we´ll have some quality time now, okay? You can wear some shorts and a top from me.” “Where will we go to? You´re having a plan, don´t you?” I grin, kissing him. He sighs. “Please, no surprises.” “Okay, love, we´re going to Athens. Is that okay for you? It´s not like I will change my plans but I still want you to approve them, though.” He rolls his eyes but I see a little smirk forming; telling me that the day won´t be ending like it just started. Petting his back, I kiss his cheek. I feel a tear on my upper lip and sigh quietly. “You´ll – We´ll be fine, I promise!”

As I (luckily) had already booked a rental car back at home, it´s already standing outside, waiting for us. Louis´ eyes are shining and is smiling a bit- he probably didn´t believe that I thought everything though that much. But then again, who would just half-heartedly plan a honeymoon? Suddenly I feel a hot breath on my ear, whispering “drama-whore” to me but the second I felt and heard it, it is already gone and Louis in the car. Pouting, I sit down on to the driver seat. “What´s wrong, dear?” I´d like to tell him that I miss some of his snappy and sarcastic comments (especially like he just did) but I know that he hates them (and probably just wanted to be nice to me). So, I just shake my head and kiss his cheek. “Haven´t driven a car in months… especially not outside of the UK.” I look at him and he immediately looks away. “Sorry, H.” I laugh. “It´s okay, Louis!! Honestly. We went through worse, I´ll manage that somehow.” He opens his mouth like he wants to say something but immediately closes it again and nods.

It takes me three hours longer than it should to arrive in Athens. I honestly really didn´t get lost. Actually, we had breakfast, visited a dozen (if not more) souvenir shops and visited quite a lot other little towns on the way. Even though this wasn´t on my check list (as there are only bigger cities or attractions or well, places, you´ll find something about without looking hours for it; of course, I planned to visit places that aren´t that big and not too much of tourist attractions but we found places that are very small and where the people are just lovely without having to look for them), I won´t ever regret going there. And I´m very sure that Louis won´t regret being there, neither.

But out of nowhere, Louis looks at me. Panic in his eyes. I try to calm him somehow- without being able to know what is wrong right now. We just started to walk down a street in Athens, not too many people around. I don´t see a single reason why he would be panicking right now. “My pills! We forgot my pills in the apartment, fuck!” I sigh, almost too loud (considering that I don´t want to be rude to my man). We didn´t- well, more precisely, I didn´t forget them. I always have the pills for a day with me in my bag. Today, even for a week, because we still don´t know how long we´ll stay somewhere else. I didn´t forget about them but Louis did. He sometimes does that. I look at the clock- he should take some of them in about an hour. But to proof him that I really have them with me, I take them out of my bag and show him them. He nods- his cheeks in a deep red. “Oh.” I smile at him and take his hand. “Trust me, I´ll always have your back, okay?” He nods and smiles back at me. “I´m so happy to call you mine, I´d be lost without you.” I shake my head no because he would find a way somehow but gladly everything is like it is. We are together and are here for each other. Even though it sometimes might look like to Louis that I do more for me, it isn´t true. His love is all I need and he makes me more than happy just by existing.


End file.
